Trauma and me

In July, 2002, I was ready to leave the profession of mental health therapy. I had become unsatisfied and disillusioned with the mental health profession for many different reasons. Then EMDR happened.

EMDR [Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing] is used to treat PTSD [Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder] and was discovered and developed by Francine Shiparo in 1988.

The story goes that Francine was walking along a lake, stressed and troubled regarding her doctorate dissertation. In her distress, she realized that when she moved her eyes back and forth, she felt better. She didn’t know why, but she did. Then she tested the eye movement thing with some friends to see if they would feel better too. And they did. And the rest is history with the end result being EMDR.

Part of my training for EMDR level 1 was that the trainee clinicians did EMDR on each other regarding some personal trauma.

I’ve had many different traumas in my life, but for this exercise I chose a middle level one that started on 9-11-2001. I was day trading commodities, when the trading screens froze up and stopped working. I didn’t know why, until a UPS delivery man delivered a package I had to sign for. He told me the World Trade Center had been hit by terrorist. I turned on the TV, and saw the second tower getting hit. Seeing that upset me, but I didn’t really know how much until two weeks later, after I had lost over $75,000 in day trading. Those loses wiped out all of my profits and then some. We had to re-mortgage our house to pay off the debt occurred. I quit day trading. Almost a year later, the trauma of those events still bothered me quite a bit.

Doing the EMDR in training regarding this trauma didn’t make me forget what happened, but it did stop the overwhelming emotional energy that I felt when I thought about what happened. In a very real sense, EMDR turned off the emotional power surge related to the trauma. The event lost its emotional power over me. I felt better.

So, I learned the EMDR protocol knowing that it worked. I felt ready and eager to try it with my mental health therapy clients. However, the results were … unexpected.

I’ve forgotten the name of the first client I ever did EMDR with, but I remember the details quite clearly.

She was 46 years old and ordered by the Court to therapy for repeated drinking and driving violations. She was highly emotional, crying for much of the sessions, related to her physically and emotionally abusive parents. She especially was overwhelmed emotionally remembering when she was 16 and going to stand up to them regarding their abusing her, but instead, they dumped her at the Courts. Publically, they claimed in Court that she was an untreatable, violent and destructive juvenile delinquent that they could no longer control. She became a ward of the State. Privately, they told her that she was worthless and nobody would believe her version of what actually had happened because she was a juvenile delinquent. The trauma of those events continued to haunt and overwhelm her 30 years later. She broke down into tears, becoming that scared, sad and angry 16-year-old all over again and again and every time she remembered and thought of what had happened.

She had tried therapy repeatedly, but without much success. She felt stuck. She thought she would forever be haunted by the trauma of her childhood. She expressed this through tears and sobs, unable to stop crying. She couldn’t move on.

So, I suggested we might try EMDR. I explained what it was. She said it “sounded hokey and weird.” But she said she had nothing to lose by trying. But, she did.

I told her to bring up the past traumatic event. She started crying. I started doing EMDR. Less than five minutes later, she stopped crying. Her whole disposition changed. She seemed almost confident, and she lifted her head up and looked at me. Then she said, “What the hell was I thinking? My parents were assholes.” Her inner 16-year-old had grown up.

Initially, I thought she was faking it. Nobody changes so completely so quickly. Her tears were gone. The emotionally labile woman was gone. Instead, was a thoughtful adult that could discuss the horrific childhood trauma without breaking down.

I saw her for two more sessions per the Court order. I would ask, “So how are you doing.” She would reply, “I’m doing well. My parents are still assholes. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.” Her childhood trauma was finally over. She finally was able to let go and lose the trauma she had been stuck with for 30 years.

I’ve never again had quite as quick of a response as the first time I used EMDR, but I’ve continued to have unbelievable success. My success rate to dramatically reduce or stop the emotional power from PTSD is over 95% with just one session of EMDR.

In the last 20 years, I can recall only two client that did not have significant improvements. One was a rapist who had been raped and sexually abused as a child. He reported improvements, but may not have been honest regarding the trauma, and quit as soon as the Court allowed him to do so. The other client was put on long-term disability regarding a recent trauma. She said she was ready to deal with the trauma, but then stopped the process and did not want to deal with the issue or continue in any therapy.

I’ve done EMDR with just about every kind of trauma and client you can imagine. Military Veterans, Firemen, Police, Rape victims, assaults, domestic violence, surgery, health issues and more. I’ve worked mostly with adult and adolescents, with some children, but none younger than 8 years old.

The traumas have varied from mild to horrific. One client, regarding her sexual abuse trauma, stated, “I conceived my first child with a gun to my head.” Another was kidnapped and physically and sexually assaulted for three weeks in a locked room by multiple rapists. The last times they left her in the room, they stated, “When we return, we are going to kill you.” She thought she was going to die and prepared to die, but when the door was opened, it was the police to rescue her. In her session, she expressed almost feeling let down that she wasn’t killed, because she had accepted the reality that she was going to die.

Some of the trauma happened a long time ago. One 70-year-old client began crying uncontrollably when he discussed being abused as a 6-year-old boy. After the EMDR, he stated, “My whole life I’ve felt part of me was missing. Now, I feel whole. It feels weird, but I like it.”

Some trauma can’t be consciously recalled, but still lead to unwanted feelings, night terrors and dissociation. One teen had surgery as a baby related to kidney issues. He had seen pictures, but couldn’t actually remember what happened, but did notice getting stressed and tense when discussing hospitals. We did the EMDR related to his newly developed night terrors. Afterwards, his disposition was more relaxed, and he stated, “Well, I’m glad that’s over.” Following up, his night terrors were gone.

In doing EMDR, I’ve significantly changed the process. I’ve changed it based on my BCA Holistic Mental Health Therapy approach. I’ve adjusted it related to how our brain works from the perspective and understanding that emotions just give us power and not direction. I’ve changed it related to how our brain changes with trauma, but also how our brain changes as we age. I’ve changed it related to understanding that trauma isn’t an event, as much as it is our powerlessness to deal with an event. And then getting stuck and being unable to move forward without outside help.

I very intentionally stopped doing eye movements, and use alternate hand or knee taping, as I think non-visual and non-verbal communication is an essential component in the process. Bilateral touch or tapping changes how we can process information. I can explain that more if there is an interest.

My approach has evolved into a three-session process – 1) what is the trauma and back ground info; 2) explain how EMDR works; 3) Do the EMDR. For some client referrals specifically related to trauma, everything can be done in two sessions. The success rate is still over 95%. I think the high success rate is related to a focus on the healing process.

I’ve also come to see two distinct variations of how trauma impacts us and how it can be addressed. The event(s) related trauma and the relationship / supports related trauma. Or as I often refer to the difference, the Trauma EMDR and the Relationship EMDR. This is based on how I understand and explain how trauma impacts our brain. In a nutshell: I view Trauma EMDR as a neurological short in our brain between our Amygdala battery, the emotional power center, and the cortex, our thinking center. Whenever we hit that thought, the short gets triggered. Trauma EMDR is about fixing the short. I view Relationship EMDR as a neurological surge between our amygdala and cortex, where the cortex doesn’t have the necessary neuro-network to manage and handle the emotional power. Relationships EMDR is about building a neuro-support network to manage the surge.  

Finally, I’ve realized that when people can move past their trauma, they need to recognize a new world to live in. Oftentimes, being a victim has defined who they are. Being a survivor is who they are. Letting go of a trauma doesn’t automatically give you the skills to live in a world without trauma. Those adjustments can be challenging and require a different process and skill set to address.

So, trauma and me have a long history of success. I hope we have a great future too. I would love to test my process for treating trauma in a clinical research setting. And if it continues to be successful, to provide training to other therapist to reduce the impact of trauma. Because this world is a much better place when nobody has to be struck with trauma.