The first step to improve your mental health isn’t seeing a therapist. That step comes later.
The first step isn’t recognizing a problem that negatively impacts your life. Seeing problems isn’t the same as taking a step towards improving problems. Even knowing that you have problems that you want to change to make your life better doesn’t count as the first step. Knowing and struggling with difficulties in your life is recognizing the challenges, but it doesn’t automatically lead to a first step to improve your mental health. Knowing you are struggling with problems is just awareness.
Awareness can be useful, but it isn’t a first step because awareness isn’t an action to make improvements. Nothing improves in our life when you become aware of something new. Nothing changes in knowing you have a problem.
Now, you might be arguing that awareness is a good first step and does improve your life because you have gained insights and understanding. That you now see for the first time something new that you didn’t see or understand before.
While that is true, that you have gained new insights, those insights may not lead to improving mental health. Also, gaining new awareness is a constant process in life. We become aware of new things every day of our lives. So, while increased awareness may be a great first step to gain insights into problems you struggle with, it isn’t necessarily a step towards improving those problems. Awareness could be a step towards your destruction, such as “knowing this makes me want to kill myself.” Or, towards indifference, “I’ve just realized I’ve been depressed for a long time.” Intolerance, “ I’ve just discovered I have an anger problem towards stupid people.” or even, hopelessness, “I now think that I am too old to make things better.” or, “I’ve just realized that nobody can help me.”
The first step to improving your mental health is to take your awareness and insights to someone outside yourself. It is that moment when you think, “I should talk to someone about this.” Or, even better, “I will talk to someone to get help.” In many ways, it is a glimpse into your own vulnerability with a hint of acceptance and a dash of willingness. To breathe deeply and then bravely reach out to someone.
To sincerely reach out to someone for help takes real courage. Courage because it is an admission to yourself that you are in pain. Or, walking a path that seems to be heading towards pain and misery. The first step towards making improvements is an admission to yourself that you really do want to make changes of who you are or where you are headed, combined with the actions of reaching out to someone beyond yourself to help you make changes to improve your life.
The first step to improving your mental health is that moment when you publicaly declare without conditions and with full ownership that you have a problem. Such as, “I am an alcoholic.” “I have depression.” “I’ve thought about killing myself.” “I am miserable.” “I am conflicted.” “This overwhelms me.” “I need help.”
And with that unconditional act of vulnerability and ownership comes an almost unbreakable inner strength of knowing that you are bigger and stronger than any problem in your life. That just being alive gives you a divine power to somehow, with help and grace, deal with and overcome all the challenges before you. Being vulnerable to say to someone “this is me.”
I once had an older client express, they lived a horrible life of drug addiction, physical abuse, child abuse and neglect, whoring, violence, stealing and drinking. They had been sober for about a year, and the question they put forth regarding their painful life was, “Was my life worthwhile?”
I was struck in awe by the strength and vulnerability of the question, and the willingness to be vulnerable to own and ask such a question. It was an incredible brave step, much like when a friend or client, starts a conversation by saying, “I’ve never told anyone this before, but I will tell you about when ….”
Oftentimes, the first step towards improving your mental health is just a whisper. A whisper that can only be heard if someone is close enough to hear it. But even the quietest whisper puts out into the universe your desire to make changes to improve your life. It is louder than any of the thoughts in your head.
The first step to improve your mental health is what changes awareness into action – the vulnerability of reaching out. You can’t take that first step alone. You can be fully aware of your problems, and even the painful consequences of those problems, with constant thoughts and shouts within your head, but until you proclaim to the world and declare your intentions, even with the softest and most hesitant whisper, you have not taken the amazing first step to improving the quality of your life.
Saying to someone “I have a problem” is an amazing first step. Amazing because it is scary and empowering. It is transformative in moving us from the isolating scary visions in our head to a brave new world.