Cognitive Distortions
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes,
most of which never happened.
Michael De Montaigne
The difference between thinking distortions or actual reality
is the lens of beliefs we create to determine the values of our world.
Daynjoor Kieu
Quick review: #1– see your emotions: I’m sad and that’s okay. #2 – recognize emotions from thoughts: “I’m sad” is an emotion. “I feel worthless” is a thought. #3 – Don’t fight or resist your emotions. #4 – Validation is engagement, not agreement , judgment or acceptance.
Moving forward – Thinking or cognitive distortions are a slice of reality we embrace as real.
Thinking or cognitive distortions don’t change the reality of our world. Thinking distortions only change how we interact with our world, our relationships and ourselves. Thinking distortions change us and how we engage with our world, which when you think about it, changes our world, because it changes the reality of our relationships.
Imagine, two people walk up to a dog. One person fears dogs and is afraid they will bite. The other persons loves dogs to hug and pet. Each person has their own beliefs about dogs. The dog doesn’t change. But how they interact and engage will change, which will impact their relationship with the dog. Their thinking and beliefs impact their perspective, choices and actions. But not always in predictable ways.
Everybody has cognitive distortions. In all distortions, there is a kernal of truth. Such as dogs can bite, but they are also very loveable. Distortions are not inherently good or bad, helpful or destructive, and seldom encompase the whole of reality. Distortions are just a slice of reality that we choose to embrace, believe and value. The slice of reality we choose to embrace, believe and value guide our thoughts and actions.
Now imagine that the dog is scared and anxious, and the person who loves dogs gets up into it’s space too quickly and too close and the dog becomes more overwhelmed and scared, growls and bites them. The person scared of dogs keeps their distance, but is open to waiting for the dog to come to him, which it does, seeking comfort from it’s own fears. The dog lowers it’s head and acts vulnerable to the waiting person fearful of dogs.
also to be continued
